Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Beginnings Blogfest


The last of the sun’s dying rays have just winked out of existence beneath the corn-leaf horizon of the farmer’s field next door.  As I stealthily move across the yard, peeking behind every tree trunk and lawn chair with the gusto that only a twelve-year-old can bring to the task, I move closer to my escape into space.  Above my head, the stars are just beginning to awaken from their daytime slumber, and they bring with them the promise of my escape. 

I hear a hint of my mother’s voice, which causes my body to freeze in place.  For several terrified moments, I hold my breath to be sure that nothing I am doing will give away my location.  After a few more words drift across the shadow-strewn yard, I heave a silent sigh of relief.  Her voice is emanating from the kitchen window, and I am confident that the tree I am nearest to is currently obstructing me from her vision. 

Several sly strides bring me at last to my goal.  The ladder that leans against the garage is within my grasp, and the old familiar texture of the splintered wood against the skin of my palms brings me a sense of reassurance that few other things could.  The straps of my tattered book bag strain against my shoulders as I proceed in a vertical trajectory up the antiquated rungs.  All that I need is present and accounted for, and that list is fully present in my mind the entire time I am ascending that ladder.

Writing notebook.
Flashlight with extra batteries.
Three pencils (a writer can never be too careful).
Beautiful star-strewn sky.

This is the first page of a 30 page paper I wrote in college (the assignment called for 15).  For this assignment, I took on the task of analyzing how I became a writer.  I decided to open it with a scene out of my childhood.    Looking at it now, I see that I was trying too hard with the language, and were I writing it now, I'd do it differently.  Yet, I felt it would be more honest to share this segment as I originally wrote it.  

Growing up, I did sneak up to the garage roof to write, because I found the view inspiring.  My escapades scared my mother every time, so I had to be covert.  I had to seek inspiration.  I had to write.  I carried a writing notebook with me everywhere, even at school.  I was taunted all the time for this, but I couldn't give it up.  I loved writing too much to change.  I had to be able to write everywhere I went.

Unfortunately, I let the cruel words haunt me.  Though I kept writing, I shuddered at the thought of putting my writing out there to be scrutinized. What if people made fun of the writing as much as they'd made fun of me?  I lost a lot of time, because I used those insecurities as a shield.

Yet, here I am.  I have officially been blogging for one year.  I'm hosting my first blogfest.  Now that I've realized how great this community is, I often wish I started this blog years ago.  I studied writing in college, and I graduated in 2008.  Realistically I could have been blogging for a lot longer than I have been, but I was scared.  I didn't know what I wanted my blog to look like.  Why would anyone want to read my words?  I didn't have a clue how to move past my fears.

Sometimes it takes a hard dose of reality to push us forward.  And reality hit me hard.  My mom died at the age of 47, and I had no choice but to confront my own mortality.  The assumption that we have all the time in the world is illusory. We need to grab hold of our dreams and make them happen now.  So, after considering matters, I finally decided to start this blog.  I didn't know what to say, so I just started writing. 

Here's my first blog entry.
So . . . Why Do This?
Here I am, an aspiring writer for the majority of my life.  I wrote my first novel when I was 7.  It was 120 pages of rambling mess, but it was a beginning.  I haven't stopped since, though I have yet to be paid for doing it.  Instead I've worked jobs that I don't like, telling myself that I can leave when my writing career takes off.  Well, I'm getting tired of waiting for that day, so it's time to light a fire under my seat and really give this thing a shot. 
I am also a mother of two boys.  One is almost 3, the other is 8 months.  The two of them frequently drive me to the brink of insanity.  At least I say that until I remember that, as an aspiring writer (of science fiction no less), a great many of us were never quite right in the head to begin with.  Anyway, that hardly matters.  I love my family to death, and because of that, I feel I need to make this career path work, for them and for my own sanity (or lack thereof). 
So, hopefully this blog will give me a chance to keep my writing skills sharp, rant so I don't have to let all my frustration loose on my poor husband (though I'm sure he'll still get some of it), and hold myself accountable for everything that I promise myself that I'll do regarding my writing.  After all, when  there's a public record, it's harder to lie to yourself. 
Since I want to do this in a serious way, I took some time in choosing the title for this blog.  As any writer knows, titles mean everything.  You have a few short words to persuade a potential reader to take time to hear what you have to say.  People value their time and money enough to be cautious about this.  As an aspiring writer (meaning my income is meager at best at this point) and frenzied mother, I can understand this. Anyway, I selected the title "Writing Off the Edge" because I often feel like I'm writing myself off the edge with frustration.  The creative process is a tricky thing.  My stories often don't come out on the page like I wish they would, and it's my job to make them work.  Sometimes they refuse.  I also like the idea of going outside convention when you can, though I can't say I always do this successfully. Sometimes coloring outside the lines, or writing off the edge of the page, can be frightening, but when it's done well, it can be very rewarding. 
Well, that's my spiel.  It's the new year, which means I have a resolution to uphold. Time to get back to that story I'm working on.  Well, after I feed my kids dinner, anyway. 
This first attempt at blogging was hardly poetic or world-changing for those who might have read it, but it changed my world.  In writing this, I made a declaration to myself.  I declared that I wouldn't deny what I've known for my whole life.  I am a writer.  Each time I return to this blog, I'm making that declaration all over again.

Thanks to all of you who've joined me on my journey!  You've been wonderful.



32 comments:

  1. Your blog beginning was a damn sight better than mine:

    "Hi! There's not much here now, but there will be soon. Thanks!"

    Not the most auspicious of beginnings :P

    Jamie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha, I was thinking the same as Jamie! That was a great first post to explain why you started blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like your first entry. Hehehe I'm just thinking, very few people actually read our first posts. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah, I have to agree with Jamie and Kyra, my blog beginning was awful! I actually just went back and read a few of my early posts and they're quite embarrassing...Yours was very good :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm pretty sure none of my posts have been world changing, but at least I'm writing everyday now!

    Love that you went to the garage roof to write!

    ReplyDelete
  6. L.G.,

    Yes, you're a writer and a damn good one. So in 2013, please stop putting yourself down. Are you writing full-time? I'm able to because I also write articles. I'd love to write fiction full-time, but one site I write articles for I'm not sure I want to leave it. So I may continue to do both even when the fiction takes off. We'll see. In any case, think about article writing in addition to fiction writing if you would like to write full-time RIGHT NOW. For example, check out the opportunities at oDesk.com.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy Anniversary!!! And keep on writing.

    My first post was along the lines of "here I am! don't know what I am going to do here". ;)

    Still don't know what I am doing, but I am still doing it. Glad you are too!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm sorry you lost your mother so early.
    You are a writer and obviously no longer afraid to share your work with the world. See how far you've come!
    And your first blog post was so much better than mine.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I used to sit on roofs as well, for endless hours. I was a stargazer. I learned the constellations that way. I am glad you finally decided to have a blog. You have plenty to share. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations and Happy Anniversary to you, LG! I can so relate to the fear of putting your writing out there to be scrutinized. I still struggle with that! Congratulations on all you have accomplished during the past year. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. "After all, when there's a public record, it's harder to lie to yourself."

    Very true and very well said. ;)

    Here's to spiral notebooks, flashlights and sneaky writing rendezvous! :D

    ReplyDelete
  12. How awesome to get an early start and to stay with it. You never know what life will bring. Do what you love!

    ReplyDelete
  13. you have a writer's heart & spirit! so glad i joined this fest! thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so glad you decided to take the plunge and declare yourself a writer . . .because you are! Thank you for hosting this fest, and helping us all reflect on how we got here.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice to meet you! I just followed the link from Tyrean's blog to learn more about the fest and its host.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My first blog post was about the New England Patriots. As was the second and third and fourth and...

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a great beginning! Both the story and your way of writing about it. Thanks again for hosting this blogfest. It came at the perfect time in my writing life.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Congratulations on your one-year anniversary! I think it's great that you took the plunge to officially be a writer!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Happy Blogaversary! My first post was far from stellar. For quite awhile I spoke to myself. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Congrats on your 1st blogiversary! I'm impressed that you wrote your first novel at the age of 7! No wonder your writing is so well crafted; you've been at it for quite some time! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sneaking up to the roof to write? Oh man, I love it! I used to sneak out of bed at night and go sit by the nightlight to read more. Apparently, we're quite the rebels. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Congrats on one year. Here's to many more!

    Thank you for hosting the blogfest.

    And I'm glad I wasn't the only one who loved to climb up on the roof.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy blog anniversary! Sorry I missed out on your blogfest it's a great idea and a lot of wonderful posts are coming out of it. I love reading about how you used to sneak up to the garage roof to write when you were a kid, you definitely have writers blood in ya! (:

    ReplyDelete
  24. Happy blogosversary! I enjoyed reading your post and finding out about your early beginnings. Like you I am so glad I took the plunge and wrote that first blog post about nine months ago. The excitement I felt when I got a follower was awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Happy blogosversary! Thank you for hosting this great bloghop. It's been so much fun! I'm happy you started blogging too. I hid in my room and wrote, but I would've loved it if I could've gotten onto the roof!

    ReplyDelete
  26. When was a kid I used to sneak around when I wrote too, only it wasn't for inspiration, it was so no one would see me doing it. I was so afraid that someone would want to read what I was writing.

    Your first blog post reminds me of why I started blogging. It also sounds like you had pretty much the same reasons for getting serious about writing as I did.You can't just sit around waiting for a story to fall out of your butt. You have to actually take writing seriously if you want your dreams to come true.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Happy blogoversary! I started writing in much the same way as a kid and only showed my stuff to a few select teachers, not anyone my own age, ever. It wasn't until way later in life that I finally buckled down and put my stuff out there in the public eye.

    Thanks for hosting the bloghop. It's been great fun.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Happy blogoversary! I also wrote all the time when I was younger, even during class. Some people in a gym class I was briefly in during 8th grade (before switching to a different science and thus corresponding gym period) thought I was stupid for doing my homework in the locker room, like the only reason anyone would write in a notebook is to do homework. Most of my other classmates were always pretty good or disinterested in the fact that I was always writing.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Your blog's name, "Writing off the edge", always puts me in mind of some dedicated writer in a distant future, writing near the edge of our galaxy :) I love it!

    So glad you dared to start this blog and refuse to let the fears keep you from it. I know what you mean about wishing you'd started sooner, too - I've been going over 2 years now but wish I had started sooner!

    Thanks for hosting this blogfest - it was fun to participate in. Now I'm getting around to visiting the other participants!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Aww, such a great beginning! And I'm so glad you took the plunge and started blogging too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I finally made it... but if this comment weren't late, it wouldn't be from me! I know I already said "Happy Blogoversary", but "Cheer" to you again. Your beginnings truly resonated with me, especially the secret writing as a teen and young adult after being picked on by peers... I personally think the most beautiful words come from those who's beginnings were a little rocky, so I'm glad that you're here now sharing them with us. I'm certain your mom would be so proud to see what you've accomplished so far and what you've yet to do!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Great Blogfest. I enjoyed your description of the birth of your blogging and the conclusion you made. Very uplifting.
    I had tried forums (which seemed overly cliquey and sometimes catty) and decided that a blog would give me some autonomy a chance to express myself online and to gain a wider circle of followers than those who might join a specialist group. I had also watched Julie and Julia and seen Writing Mags that recommended starting a blog. I took the plunge, expecting to swim to the other side, climb out and go on to the next thing, but I'm now in my 3rd year of blogging and have found it unexpectedly rewarding. Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete