tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post6995764268059075632..comments2024-02-06T15:18:05.390-06:00Comments on Writing Off the Edge: First FightL.G. Keltnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07624902347418621283noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-36828500715573979542012-06-13T10:48:50.418-05:002012-06-13T10:48:50.418-05:00That was fantastic! I really loved the premise of ...That was fantastic! I really loved the premise of the story, the description was done wonderfully and I liked the snippets of her emotions. Great excerpt :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-30158579071372446212012-06-13T09:45:14.225-05:002012-06-13T09:45:14.225-05:00So much action... My head is reeling. Nice.So much action... My head is reeling. Nice.Crystal Collierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03912469552483168148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-14371657874066953182012-06-13T00:43:18.091-05:002012-06-13T00:43:18.091-05:00Ah, really great scene! The description is done ve...Ah, really great scene! The description is done very well.Cathy Keatonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18356112948372149785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-44217121979277503722012-06-12T22:52:09.780-05:002012-06-12T22:52:09.780-05:00I was drawn into this excerpt very easily, without...I was drawn into this excerpt very easily, without feeling the need for more dialogue. Given the circumstances, there isn't really much to say, as the situation is unfolding internally for the MC. A few shouts from the crowd, as another suggested, my help break up the sequences, but only if you feel comfortable doing so. I think this is a wonderfully captivating draft, so it's hard to Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17997742235984864574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-43022542399607035852012-06-12T22:23:57.674-05:002012-06-12T22:23:57.674-05:00A very descriptive and interesting excerpt. Nice j...A very descriptive and interesting excerpt. Nice job! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03060064276650474244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-2007838764145180252012-06-12T20:04:31.292-05:002012-06-12T20:04:31.292-05:00I love your descriptions and wording. This was bea...I love your descriptions and wording. This was beautifully written and fun to read! I felt like I was there :)<br /><br />AndreaAndrea Teaganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02050710871603076745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-35311065039292379732012-06-12T16:46:40.528-05:002012-06-12T16:46:40.528-05:00Great imagery here! Nice excerpt.
Thanks for part...Great imagery here! Nice excerpt.<br /><br />Thanks for participating in our bloghop!Jackiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04526192448146446752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-85663765856059069982012-06-12T16:14:18.902-05:002012-06-12T16:14:18.902-05:00Wow great scene - nicely writtenWow great scene - nicely writtenGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10678343815209441212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-11215319087663526852012-06-12T15:36:58.249-05:002012-06-12T15:36:58.249-05:00Great work - really powerful scene. The wounding o...Great work - really powerful scene. The wounding of the girl is very emotive. <br /><br />Some dialogue would add even more drama and feeling!<br /><br />I'll be back for more! Well done!Neil Davieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09094796039326430540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-45703385132965370042012-06-12T13:56:32.119-05:002012-06-12T13:56:32.119-05:00I agree with all of the above. Some dialogue might...I agree with all of the above. Some dialogue might help out this already great scene. But still - it's a great fight scene and very well constructed.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing in the blogfest!Danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11026644605799767199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-62167353086092797322012-06-12T11:27:40.654-05:002012-06-12T11:27:40.654-05:00Great scene!Great scene!Jaycee DeLorenzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08796587039929398655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-64517920737744498532012-06-12T09:55:15.498-05:002012-06-12T09:55:15.498-05:00I agree with Laura, it is a great scene. However, ...I agree with Laura, it is a great scene. However, I think it needs some dialogue. It's just too much text to sort through easily. If the narrator doesn't want to speak, have her hear snippets or shouts from unknowns to illustrate the violence taking place. That is the only suggestion that I could think of.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5171670007828382529.post-56674745937633828322012-06-12T05:54:07.446-05:002012-06-12T05:54:07.446-05:00This is great, I love the idea of the story, and t...This is great, I love the idea of the story, and this is an awesome fight scene! :)Laura Clipsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02748489198957473503noreply@blogger.com