It's been an impossible year. It started when my mom died six days after the birth of my youngest son. It's killer going through that kind of loss when you're already dealing with the complications that come along with having a new baby. I got through that by clinging to the idea that I had to care for my children.
A couple of months later, my husband got sick and had to spend some time in the hospital. Since he wasn't yet a full time employee at his job, we had the possibility of him losing that job due to his illness hanging over our heads. Having just returned to work from maternity leave, we had no money to speak of. Luckily, his boss liked him, so he was able to stay at that job.
Money has always been a problem. Right now I'm raising my two children full time while trying to establish a writing career of some kind. Working full time had us paying more for child care than for rent. And as great as our child care provider was, I didn't want our kids spending 60 hours a week with someone else. We're still trying to figure out the right balance for our family.
There are days I feel like a complete failure. We don't have a lot to live on, and I feel like a lot of eyes are on me, judging my every move. I don't want to know what everyone else thinks of me and what I'm doing with my life right now. I doubt it would be productive.
I haven't reached a point of victory yet, but I certainly haven't surrendered. I can't surrender. Too many people depend on me, and my dream of being a published author are too big a part of me to ignore.
