Monday, April 1, 2013

A: Adam's Apple and the Infinite Regress

It's the first day of the A-Z Challenge!  Woohoo!  Since A is the first letter of the alphabet, I'd like to thank Arlee Bird for dreaming up this amazing blogging event!  You rock!

Adam’s Apple and the Infinite Regress

The scent of thousands of decaying pages of legal proceedings, long forgotten in bureaucratic purgatory, mingled with fresh ink as new pages flew out of the printers.  The Federation’s Department of Universal Litigation and Lawyers, also known as DULL, had facilities on every member planet.  The office on Dyntaxi Prime dealt with only the most grievous of crimes.

When Adam Evans, a human male in his mid-twenties, was pulled from a relaxing bubble bath and handcuffed for the second time in his life (the first involving a horrific misunderstanding between him and a former girlfriend), he was shocked enough. 

However, when he arrived on Dyntaxi Prime and learned why he was there, his stomach nearly turned inside out.  It took everything he had not to barf on the Magistrate’s desk.

“You understand the severity of the charges,” Magistrate Bibble said.  His eyestalks twirled wildly each time he spoke.  In fact, most people who came before him in his capacity as Federation Magistrate collapsed with vertigo.

The still-naked Adam shrugged as best he could.  He couldn’t gesticulate all that well with his hands cuffed behind the metal chair.  “Yes.  Murder is quite serious.  Unfortunately, only you would be crazy enough to charge me with murder under these circumstances!”

Bibble leveled all three of his red eyestalks at Adam.  “It won’t do well to insult the individual in charge of your fate.”

He dipped his head.  Though many in his situation might play nice, incredulity wouldn’t allow that.  “She stole my apple.  It isn’t my fault she took a bite and choked on it.  You can’t blame her death on me!” 

“The instrument that led to her death came from you.  Your inability to prevent it from harming others makes you liable due to negligence,” Bibble said stoutly.  “If it makes you feel better, Mr. Evans, we intend to file charges against Ms. Newt as well.”  

 “But . . . she’s dead!”

“Death does not prevent one from being incarcerated, Mr. Evans.”  Bibble smiled.  “In fact, a dead inmate is preferable to a living one.  The food costs are greatly reduced.”

Adam wanted to scream, but he fell back instead on sarcasm.  “Well, if you insist on applying the law that way, there’s an Earth creation myth that traces all of human sin to the theft of a single apple.”

Bibble’s eyestalks went haywire.  “Thanks for that information, Mr. Evans.  I’ll be sure to look into that.  Maybe I can file some charges in that incident.  Condemning an entire race warrants the most severe of penalties.”

All hope dissipated.  Adam knew he didn’t stand a chance.  “What’s my punishment?”

“Mr. Adam Evans, you are hereby expelled from existence.  You may keep your living body, but you have no name, no identification, and no sentient being is allowed to have contact with you under penalty of death.”  Bibble aimed all of his eyestalks at Adam, and for the first time, he actually seemed threatening.  “Have a nice day.”

Proceed to entry B.


  1. Adams Apple, murder, expelled from existence -- too bad this isn't available, although, just like in your story, it too would be misused! :)

    Happy A to Z posting!

    Filing charges against the dead, unique!

  2. More ! Looking forward to following this. Cheers!

  3. So very good! Is this a stand alone or part of a larger piece?

  4. Goodness me! What a punishment, and because someone stole an apple. Love it!

  5. A great take on an old story... I look forward to more!

  6. Love it. Great way to start off the challenge.

    Good luck!


  7. Good luck with the challenge! I participated last year and had a blast!

    Donna L Martin

  8. What a great start to #atozchallenge!

    Dani & Jax @ Cover Girls

  9. Loved it! As soon as I finished it I had to go back and read it again. Very entertaining.

  10. That's a really cold punishment! Nice twist on the story.

  11. How clever and unique. I like the way you write. Looking forward to more.

  12. Hi, great start to this year's challenge! Funny.

  13. Amazing start! Sounds a bit like Douglas Adams in the flavor of the writing. :)

  14. Adam is not having a very nice day at all. So, no sentient beings? Not one can contact this poor soul? You are hard on your characters, L. G. :-)

  15. A nice start to the challenge!

  16. Poor old Adam. Very funny. Over from the A-Z, nice to meet you :)

  17. Funny, I could see Bibble quite clearly, eyestalks and all.

  18. Oh what a delightful world you're building here! Adam reminds me very much of Arthur in Hithicker's, a sane man trying to navigate an insane multiverse.

  19. Yowza. Bibble's compensating for his ridiculous name, I'll wager. :-)

    Second the above comment, about this being reminiscent of Hitchhiker's.
    Some Dark Romantic

  20. Aww, poor Adam! Love that the department is called DULL. haha

  21. A very cute, quick read. :) Nicely done!