How in the world is it already time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group meeting? It doesn't seem possible that another month has already flown past. Yet, I doubt my calendar is deliberately lying to me, so I will accept it as fact for the time being and submit my insecurity for scrutiny.
Of course, I should briefly offer my thanks to Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh for creating this group. It's a safe space for us to vent about our frustrations and fears. That's an outlet we all need from time to time.
My insecurity this month stems from my age. My birthday is coming up in a little over a week. Now, many of you may laugh when I tell you that I'm turning 27 and feeling anxious about it. Let me assure you, it isn't the actual number that concerns me. I like my dad's attitude about birthdays. No matter how large the number of candles on your birthday cake, you're doing pretty good if you're still on this side of the grass. A birthday is a celebration that you're still alive and kicking.
Maybe it's a glass half empty vs. half full kind of thing. If you think of each passing year as bringing you closer to death, then yes, birthdays are going to be a real drag after a certain point. However, if you view them instead as a "Hey, somehow I survived another year. Woohoo!" sort of thing, it's not half bad.
Okay. That's enough of that ramble. On to the actual point I'm trying to make. With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking of where I thought I'd be at this point in my life. I've dreamed of being a writer my whole life. So now that I'm about to add another year to my official age, I'm thinking about what I have and have not accomplished as a writer. I won't lie. I haven't done as much as I'd like. Plenty of writers didn't get their first books published until later on in life, but I've been working toward this goal since I was 6. That's nearly 21 years. I always figured I'd be further along in my writing career by now. That doesn't mean I won't, but I think we all question ourselves and the pace at which we're moving along. I'm no different.
I have plenty of ambition and ideas, but I never feel fully confident in my work. My lack of publication successes reinforces my doubts from time to time. I question my intuition when it comes to my writing choices. I never feel as if my work is good enough to show people, though I force myself to share it anyway. I only hope that by forcing myself to risk the possible criticism and rejection, I can eventually end up where I want to be.
I'll try not to put too much pressure on myself. I'll just try to get the work done, and we'll see what happens from there.