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Memoirs From the End of the World
Entry #37
The test was done. The results stared RC in the face. Though the test only confirmed what she
suspected to be true, that didn’t make it any easier.
Her hands trembled as she attempted to go
about her daily tasks. Harrison
discreetly brought RC a little extra food for lunch, but he warned her discretion
could only go so far. “I’ll give you
some time to get used to this news,” he assured her, “but Brock will have to be
told about this sooner or later.”
“I know.”
RC simply hoped that she could put off that conversation
indefinitely. Once the topic came up,
she couldn’t begin to guess how Brock would react. Maybe he wouldn’t want to have a squealing
infant around. The sound of a baby
crying could attract all kinds of unwanted attention. Or maybe it wouldn’t even go that far. Maybe he’d decide that, due to a lack of
medical resources on their end, it would be easier to drop her on the doorstep
of the breeding facility. She shuddered
at the thought of living in a meat locker until she turned thirty, being passed
around to whatever males the overlords felt were genetically compatible enough
to produce superior offspring. Having to
hand over every child she ever had. She’d
do anything before facing that fate. She
felt certain of that.
Even so, the fear ate away at her, and
she only had one person with whom she could share those fears without having to
engage in awkward explanations.
Alyx listened to every word, and while he
tried to maintain a calm expression, she could see the worry in his eyes. “No matter what happens, I’ll make sure you don’t
end up at the breeding facility.” He
looked around the room. Most of the
rebels were out on a mission to raid a warehouse filled with food. Ollie had gone along with them. Isabel was watching Peter and Sheera, though
Sheera resented the idea that she needed to be watched. “Maybe you don’t need to worry too much about
Brock’s reaction. He had no problem
bringing them in. Or us.”
RC sensed that Alyx wasn’t convinced by
his own words, though he surely wished he could be. There was a clear difference between bringing
young teenagers in and RC’s situation.
Still, she didn’t say this aloud.
She wanted to wrap herself in the delusion that everything would
inexplicably turn out all right, even though it couldn’t possibly last long.
Later on in the day, RC balanced Romero
in her lap. Though she trusted Alyx with
her feelings, she needed to sort things out for herself first. Perhaps writing her thoughts on paper would
make things more clear.
Dear Romero,
More than anything, I wish I could talk
to my mom right now. Growing up, I
trusted my older brother Pete with everything.
After all, he always looked out for me.
Still, I don’t think he’d understand this. Not really.
Instead of comforting me, as if that were even possible anyway, he’d
probably try to castrate the guy who did this to me. I think my mom would have known a way to make
it all feel better.
Of course, after Pete died, all the fight
seemed to go out of her. Maybe she
wouldn’t have enough strength left in her to help me. My grandmother would have though. If the overlords had let her live, of course,
she would have found a way to help me.
She was never the type to quit.
I want to be like that, but right now, I
wish I could pull a blanket over my head and block out the world. I wish I could go back to a time when life
seemed to make sense. To a time when I
had a family, and I didn’t have to worry about whether I’d still have my
freedom when I woke up the next morning.
Maybe that’s why I’m so worried now. This might be the most disgusting way to end
up having a family, but this child is going to be my family nonetheless. I’m just hoping
RC paused, almost afraid to write the
rest. Did her lingering thoughts make
her a bad person?
She shook her head. Her thoughts certainly couldn’t make her any
worse than Leo, or Gas Can, or any of the others. Confident in that much at least, she put
pencil to paper again.
that I don’t hate it. Will I be able to look at its face without
remembering where it came from? Will I
even be able to make it through this pregnancy without resenting it?
I won’t lie. If I could go back in time right now and undo
all of this, I would. Yet here I am,
living with a reality I cannot undo. So,
I can only hope that I’ll be able to look at my child and love him or her. I hope I can look back on this one day and
say I wouldn’t change it after all, because this is where I am now.
My life has changed forever.
She closed the journal and set it down
beside her. Alyx, who had kindly averted
his eyes while she wrote to respect her privacy, wrapped an arm around her
shoulders. They sat in silence for a
long time.
“What are you thinking about?” he finally
asked.
RC bit her lower lip. “I’m thinking that while we may be safe here
for a while, we need to make it outside the city. I can’t risk giving birth here.”
Poor RC. That's got to be rough. Glad she's got Alyx to look after her :)
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