If you want to help me Celebrate the Small Things, you can do that HERE. If you want to meet my imaginary friend, you can do that HERE.
It's already Day #5 of The World Building Blogfest, hosted by Sharon Bayliss. Today we're asked to post a segment of our work that demonstrates our world building.
I haven't worked on this manuscript in a couple of years, so in selecting it I identified some flaws that need to be fixed. Nevertheless, I felt it would be good to get some feedback just for that purpose. I apologize for the length, but it's an important scene and I didn't want to cut it down too much. This is where Gretchen meets Quirin, making possible all else that follows. This is also the first introduction to the Kentari and what they can do.
[Note: the reference to a "flying contraption" in the text is Gretchen's hoverboard]
Gretchen reached
the shore and was about to pull herself out of the water when someone called
out, “Are you all right?”
She snapped her head upward to
locate the source of the voice. Her
relief was cut short when she saw who it was.
A Kentari male. At a glance, he
appeared to be about her age and wore black, loose-fitting black clothing. He stood directly above her at the top of the
bank, his curious face hovering amongst the vegetation.
While Gretchen normally avoided
conversing with the Kentari, she didn’t see that she had much choice. “I slipped.
My ankle looks bad.”
There was a brief silence while the
young man pondered the situation. It
wasn’t long before he came to a decision. “I am going to come down,” he informed her.
Gretchen watched with rising apprehension
as he grabbed hold of a tree branch and used it to swing over the side. He landed cat-like on the sand less than a
meter away. Although she was uncertain,
Gretchen couldn’t help feeling envious of the ease with which he did this. The Kentari were, in many respects, more
agile than Terrans. Even though she had
considerable agility due to her hoverboard training, she hadn’t started out
with such natural grace. And her current
predicament did nothing to attest to her hard-earned physical prowess.
Now that she was able to get a
closer look at him, he looked familiar.
She’d seen him in town several times, though she certainly couldn’t
claim to know him. He was of the typical
lanky Kentari build and stood at a height just shy of two meters. He also had the standard gray skin and white
hair. What set this one apart from the
rest of the Kentari she had seen were his eyes.
They were a deep shade of purple, which was virtually unheard of. At least as far as she knew.
The unexpected visitor looked her
over for a moment before speaking. His
eyes were bright, intelligent. There was
a clear sense of recognition in his gaze.
“My name is Quirin. You are
Gretchen Taylor.”
His certainty unnerved her. She doubted that he knew her name from the
hoverboard circuit like others who recognized her. She didn’t think the Kentari exhibited any
interest in Terran sporting events. “How
do you know who I am?”
Quirin shrugged casually. “Your parents are well-known for their
opinions, so naturally I know about you.”
This made perfect sense. This meant that he could probably guess how
she felt about his people as well. All
she could say was, “Oh.” There was
something humbling about being completely helpless.
A slight smile showed his amusement. At the same time, he demonstrated no real
interest in making her feel belittled.
He approached her and said in a kindly tone, “Would you like me to help
you out of the water?”
She hesitated. Something inside her cringed, and she guessed
that it was a combination of upbringing and her typical desire to maintain
independence. Still, who else was
currently available to help her? If she
turned down his offer, she could very well be spending the night there. “I suppose.”
He had no trouble coming to her
aid. Slipping an arm around her shoulder
and another beneath her legs, he hoisted her up as if she weighed nothing at
all. He carried her onto the sand, propping
her into a comfortable sitting position where the bank began its steep incline. “How do you feel?” he asked once she was
settled.
Gretchen didn’t appear to hear his
question. She still marveled at his
strength. He certainly didn’t look that
strong, but she couldn’t tell him any of this.
Instead she said, “Thanks for your help.
If you get me my things, I should be able to make it the rest of the way
by myself.”
His gaze intensified as he
scrutinized her. “Are you refusing my
help?”
“I just don’t want you to feel
obligated.”
“You are uncomfortable being alone
with me.”
He was reading
her like a book, and it made her uncomfortable.
Yet she couldn’t deny that his perceptions were true. She’d recently been embarrassed by her mother
and father, but her stomach tightened as she realized she wasn’t much better. “What did you expect?” Resignation sounded in her voice. Resistance would garner her nothing.
Quirin’s smile now looked reassuring. And in spite of her fears, she found herself
relaxing a little. “Nothing
different. Do you mind if I take a look
at this?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what good it’ll do. I know exactly what the problem is. I broke my ankle for the second time in a
year. What can I say except that I’m the
clumsiest person I know right now?”
“I should look
anyway so we know what we have to deal with.”
He knelt over her ankle and proceeded to examine it closely. Neither of them spoke as he did so. After a few moments, he gingerly placed a
hand on her injury. His touch was light
and added no additional pain, which she appreciated. Then closed his eyes, absolutely focused on
something he could not see.
Gretchen, while
genuinely perplexed by this behavior, asked no questions. She was too busy convincing herself that he
wasn’t going to harm her. If he’d
intended to hurt her, he probably would have done it already.
After a minute or so, he came back
to himself. Removing his hand, he
returned his attention to the bank and scrutinized it. It wasn’t long before he let out a deep
sigh. A sigh of obvious disappointment.
Gretchen’s stomach sank with this
reaction. “What’s wrong?”
Quirin shook his head. “I can lift you, but there is no way I can
carry you all the way up. Not safely,
anyway. I would need you to be able to
climb at least some, but your ankle is broken just as you said. Not that I doubted you.” Then he gestured up to the area where her
things waited. “And if you want to take
your flying contraption out, I would advise against it. It would hardly be safe for you now.”
“So I’m stuck here?”
Another sigh. He appeared to be thinking hard about something worrisome. She could feel his tension. Finally, he spoke. “There is something I could do for you, but
it would be necessary for you to keep it secret.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Why?
What are you planning to do to me?”
“I cannot tell you until you
promise.” He paused momentarily, then
continued, choosing each word with care.
“I understand how you feel, and I know this must be difficult for you,
but I need you to trust me on this. It
is the only way.”
For a moment, Gretchen considered
telling Quirin what he could do with his precious secrets, but she wisely held
her tongue. What she despised above all
else in that instant was the idea of being stranded. She reluctantly nodded in agreement, although
it went against everything she’d been raised to believe in. “Okay.
Do it. I’ll keep your secret.”
In spite of her assurances, Quirin still
seemed tense. “Relax now. No matter what happens, please, do not panic.”
Those words alone made her feel like
panicking, but she did her best to comply.
He took a deep breath and placed one
hand on the broken ankle. His eyes
closed. It seemed he concentrated all of
his attention on whatever it was he planned to do. This unsettled Gretchen even more. She started to regret her decision, but she
didn’t have time to do anything before the tingling began. It was deep.
Very deep. Then she saw the
light. A bright yellow light had issued
from Quirin’s fingertips. It burrowed
its way through her tissues until it reached the bone. It settled there, and when the light faded a
moment later, it took the pain with it.
The swelling immediately subsided, and within seconds it looked normal.
The shock of what happened, however,
did not disappear so quickly. When
Quirin opened his eyes, Gretchen was looking from her ankle to him and back
again in open-mouthed awe. “How?” she
managed to say shakily. “How did you do
that?” She moved her ankle
experimentally. No problems.
“All of my people can do that,” he
replied quietly.
She let this information process for
a brief moment. “Your people are so
secretive. Is this what you’ve been
hiding?”
He nodded. “It is an integral part of us. We can use this ability to do many things. People fear what they do not understand. They might be afraid we’ll hurt them.”
“So you tried keeping these . .
.powers . . .a secret?”
Quirin shrugged. “We merely refuse to flaunt them in front of
others. Privacy is important to us. There have always been Terrans who knew, but
it was never public knowledge. Your
government, as well as mine, worried about what might happen if it were. Over the years some information about our
abilities leaked out, and fear bred vicious rumors. Not all Terran people believe these rumors,
of course.”
“But enough to stir up
trouble.” Against her will, Gretchen’s
apprehension was being replaced by intrigue.
“My parents have told me that your people have the ability to control
people’s minds, and that’s why it’s so dangerous to get close to you. I never really believed it, though.”
“Yet you avoided us anyway.” Quirin paused as he scrutinized her further. “To be honest, there are well-trained
individuals who can do what you describe, but such power is not given lightly.”
“Oh.” Why had he just admitted to that? His honesty captivated her.
“It was never
our intent to deceive,” he continued. “I
never wanted to deceive anyone. We simply
wished to protect ourselves. From what
others have told me, my people planned to gradually reveal our capabilities
once we were confident we could use them without being harassed.”
“And it never got to that point?”
“Prejudice is like cancer,” Quirin
told her, his purple eyes intense. “It
infests and destroys. The rumors only
made it more difficult, because people were forming opinions about us before
they could see who we really are.”
Gretchen faltered. She saw both sides, and she teetered
precariously in the middle. Before she
could decide on a response, his attention again focused on the obstacle in
front of them. “I’ll climb out first,”
he told her. “That way I will able to
help pull you up. You still appear to be
shaken by the fall.”
“Okay.” The miraculous healing of her ankle had more
to do with her shakiness than the fall, but she didn’t say so. Gretchen couldn’t take her eyes off Quirin as
he scaled the slippery slope with ease. He
moved with steady confidence, as if gravity were inconsequential. Her mind still hazy with confusion, she
couldn’t deny the results. When she
stood and took a few tentative steps, an astonishing truth presented itself. Quirin did what the surgeons couldn’t. She was finally free of the awkward gait
she’d been forced to live with for the past several months.
When Quirin reached the top, he
called down to her, “Take your time.”
And she did. The pain of the first trip down still fresh
in her mind, she definitely wasn’t prepared to repeat the experience. With each step she made doubly sure that her
foot found a steady resting place. She
also chose the path that offered the most opportunities for handholds.
Once she made it most of the way up,
Quirin leaned over the edge and offered her a hand. She took it without hesitation. Within moments she stood safely beside
him. Gretchen looked him over. After everything he did, he didn’t appear to
be suffering from any ill effects.
“Thanks for helping me.”
He gave her a warm smile. “You are welcome.”
There was a brief silence before
Gretchen spoke again. “I’d better get home. Don’t worry. I’ll keep my promise not to tell anyone. My parents would be furious if they knew
about any of this.” She turned to leave
but immediately halted. Looking back at
him, she asked, “Quirin, are there any other races out there that can do what
you do?” She knew that the Kentari had
dealings with other species in the past, though Terrans had yet to make first
contact with any of them.
Quirin nodded. “Many of them possess the capability, though
not all utilize it. The Terran mind is
also capable of such things.”
This came as a shock. “Really?”
“Yes. There have been a few high Terran officials
who have undergone the training process.
It was not publicized, of course.”
She pondered this for a moment. “Even I have the ability to do what you just
did?”
He nodded. “All it requires is proper training and
discipline. The brain is the most
powerful tool that any of us will ever have.
It is only a matter of training it, becoming familiar with it.” With that final comment, Quirin set off down
the path.
Gretchen stood frozen in place, her
mind utterly consumed by questions and new, strange possibilities. It wasn’t long before she followed suit and
began her journey back into town. She
expected to see Quirin ahead of her.
There was so much more she wanted to ask. Unfortunately, there was no sign of him ahead
of her. He’d vanished.
