Studying Vocabulary

I was inspired to write this short story while perusing lists of odd vocabulary words.  I'd tell you what the word is, but that might spoil the story.  You'll know the word when you see it. That's all I can tell you.  Enjoy!

Studying Vocabulary

Open textbooks littered the kitchen table, but that didn’t stop Savannah and her best friend Will from binging on snacks.  An open package of Oreos was perched on Will’s calculus book, and Savannah’s bag of potato chips sat beside her vocabulary worksheets.

She reached into the bag only to have her fingers scrape the bottom.  A thin film of oily residue coated her fingertips when she withdrew her hand.  “Darn it,” she mumbled.  “There’s only a tittynope left.”

Will spluttered, and Oreo crumbs flew from his mouth, coating his homework.  “What?  There’s a  . . . what?”

“A tittynope,” Savannah replied with a smile.  “It means ‘a small residual of something that is leftover.’”  She held up the vocabulary sheet from which she’d read the definition.  “I’m studying my vocabulary like I’m supposed to be.”

Will looked down, noticing the mess that he’d made of his work.  “I hate you.  There’s no way you weren’t trying to get a reaction out of me.”

She shrugged.  “It’s just one of the many reasons why I love vocabulary.”

Inspiring Song Lyrics

Hey everyone!  I'm in need of some inspiration, so I decided to go through some song lyrics that have always spoken to me.  Here I'll share a few lines that mean something to me. Music has always been an inspiration for me, so maybe these lines will say something to you as well.

"I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl . . ." 

-"Scar Tissue" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Taste the memories running from my eyes."

-"Under a Glass Moon" by Dream Theater

"Face each day with both eyes open wide/And try to give, don't keep it all inside."

-"The Answer Lies Within" by Dream Theater

"If we could, say that forever/Is more than just a word."

-"Everything Changes" by Staind

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking/Racing around to come up behind you again/The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older/Shorter of breath and one day closer to death."

-"Time" by Pink Floyd

There's a mixture of positive and negative feeling in these words, but they all make me think.

Now, I wanted to share an excerpt from a song that means a lot to me to go with the lines I selected above.  Unfortunately, I couldn't decide on an individual part of the song to share, because all of it speaks to me.  This was the first song to play at my wedding reception, and I loved it before that.

                             "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Thanks for allowing me to share these inspiring lyrics with you.

Which words, whether they come from a poem, a song, or a book, inspire you most?

Weird and Wonderful Words

I decided today to share a few words with bizarre meanings.  Why?  I love weird words!  These words may never be useful in everyday life (unless you want to sound pretentious or pompous), though they could always come up in a crossword puzzle.

Ktenology-the science of putting people to death

Dactylion-the end of your middle finger

Biblioclasm-the act of ceremoniously destroying books

Hobbledehoy-an awkward youth/teenager

Petrichor-the smell of rain falling on dry earth

Mesonoxian-pertaining to midnight

Nudiustertian-the day before yesterday

Kakorrhaphiophobia-fear of failure

These are just a few of the crazy and interesting words that language has to offer. Would you like to share any obscure or unusual words that you particularly like?

The Weekend Philosopher: Linguistic Power

I was watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Parts 1 & 2) the other night.  One quote from the film, which I've already seen multiple times, stuck with me and inspired me to talk about language today.

Background Image courtesy of sattva
 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Words do carry a lot of power.  When we're small children, the ridicule of our peers can sting far more than a scraped knee, no matter how many times adults try to assure us that words don't hurt.  Those who recite the old adage "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" have also undoubtedly been wounded by words from time to time.  It's only natural that this should be the case.  As much as we try to shrug off the hurtful things that people say about us, they can at times pierce through our armor and wound us.

The right words can also help us aspire to greater things.  A rousing speech can band people together to fight for a common goal.

What grants language this creative and destructive power?

The answer is that we do.  As human beings, we created language as a way to communicate with the world.  We are isolated inside our own heads when we don't have effective means of communication.  Facial expressions and other physical gestures undoubtedly convey a lot on the emotional end of the spectrum, and this is quite valuable.  However, there is a limit to how much we can share through those means alone.

"The limits of my language are the limits of my world."

 -Ludwig Wittgenstein

Our language creates the bridge we build with others.  When we share a common language with someone, we can use our words to paint vivid images in the mind of another.  We can work together to build understandings of complex issues.  We build our culture together.

"One does not inhabit a country; one inhabits a language.  That is our country, our fatherland-and no other." 

-Emile M. Cioran

Words don't have a meaning independent of human interactions.  Languages are built in the same way we use them to build our cultural identities.  Words have meaning because people agree on their meanings.  Each time we speak a word to someone who shares our language, we confirm and hold true to that conferred meaning.  When we converse with one another, we must agree on the meanings of each word we say, otherwise we wouldn't make sense. 

Of course, the world is full of examples of misunderstandings, and those misunderstandings can be nasty at times.  They often occur when the meaning of a conversation is different for each of the participants.  People take offense, and often retaliate.  Sometimes when we converse with others, the offense is intended.  After all, we've all been a party in a situation where someone else intended to cut us with their words.

Yet, when the offense is one-sided, it can create just as great a rift as any intentional barb.

Background Image courtesy of Stuart Miles
 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anything can be taken wrong.  Anything can be seen as a personal attack.  In the realm of politics and religion, people hold their beliefs particularly dearly. These belief systems are fortified by words that hold meaning people may treasure.  

Of course, this post has gone on too long already.  This sounds like a good stopping point.  I'll pick up where I left off next week!

I'll Build Me a Palace

Today I thought I'd write a poem inspired by a word.  The word I selected was PALACE.  I hope you enjoy what I wrote!

I’ll Build Me a Palace

Give me a chance, and I’ll

build me a palace of dreams

where all things are possible

and nothing is quite as it seems.

Image courtesy of sattva
 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Give me the time, and I’ll

build me a palace of lights

where shadows are banished

and wrongs turned into rights.

Give me the love, and I’ll

build me a palace of stars

where discoveries abound

and hatred leaves no scars.

Please give me a chance.

Give yourself permission.

Everyone needs to know

they can improve their position.

The Weekend Philosopher: Identities Formed

Identities are tricky things.  Set yourself the task of telling someone who you are.  I dare you.  It isn't so easy.

In this scene from Babylon 5, a mysterious man named Sebastian asks Delenn who she is.  She gives her name, her title, a job description.  None of these answers are deemed acceptable.  While these answers may be useful for someone who needs to know about you, they don't truly touch on who we are.

In answering the question of who we are, it helps to consider all the factors that make us who we are.  When someone asks us the question "Who are you?" they usually want to know your name, or maybe the names of relatives or friends so they have some idea of how you fit in to the social fabric of the world.  They may say a lot about your background that helped to influence your development as a person, but no one can claim to know you through this information alone.  These things are not you.  After all, when someone steals your identity and uses it to spend your hard earned money, they haven't actually stolen who you are, though they may have influenced who you will become by impacting the way you trust people and interact with them.

I am of the opinion that part of who we are is a function of biology and the way our brains develop before we're even born.  This belief is enforced by having my own children.  I can say that my two boys started out with distinct personalities. Jude was the loud, high-maintenance child, and Lyle was the laid-back child. These character traits were visible from birth and inform the way they each react to given situations.  Some aspects of our person are an integral part of us and cannot be changed.

Even so, we learn from the environment in which we are raised.  Nurture plays as significant a role as nature.  That's why I get frustrated by the nature vs. nurture argument.  I think they work together and it would be silly to disregard one entirely in favor of the other.  

Our parents work to instill a given set of values in us.  Even parents who are abusive and neglectful instill values in their kids, though those values may ultimately be more harmful than anything else.  From a young age, we learn to trust authority (or not to), we learn how to interact with others, we learn not to steal or lie.  It's no accident that most people end up with the same religious beliefs and honoring the same traditions as their parents.  Our culture directs our growth and development in very real ways.  

This is why societal attitudes as a whole toward things like race and sexual orientation change rather slowly.  There is a distinctly generational way in which these perceptions change, because those who are raised with one set of values find it difficult to shake them, or may find it undesirable to do so.  To alter the way you look at the world is to, in some way, alter who you are in relation to the world.  This can be a distinctly uncomfortable proposition to face.


John Dewey said, "The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action."

Not only are we formed by the people around us, we are also formed by the choices we make.  When something goes wrong, we can choose to give up, or we can choose to look on the bright side.  We choose which career path to follow. Maybe we pursue a childhood passion that was ignited by an inspiring teacher. Maybe we follow in our parents' footsteps.  Or maybe we choose a path other than what our families want for us as a kind of rebellion.  Or maybe we choose a safe path, leaving behind the things we truly want to do.  We make these choices due to a multitude of factors we may not recognize.  Our choices have power, but they are not made in a vacuum.

To show you what I mean, say a child is raised in a family of criminals.  They have an unstable home life growing up and their parents are in and out of jail.  It might seem easy for them to assume the values of their parents and follow the same path.  But maybe they want something different.  Maybe they make the choice to have something different.  They may follow a different path, but their choice is influenced by the pain of their childhood.  Or maybe their personal disposition, which they've had their whole lives, makes them yearn for something different.

I like to say that we're in constant dialogue with our environment.  It speaks to us, and we respond with our actions.  We change our world, and we change it back.  Nothing remains exactly the same.

Sorting out the factors that make us who we are can be quite difficult and confusing.  How have the events and people in your life helped make you who you are today?  Which influence do you think is the most powerful in determining who a person becomes?

Lastly, I wanted to share this powerful video.  It's a little over twelve minutes long, but it's worth the time.  I was bullied as a kid, and though I try not to let that fact get me down, I can still feel the effects of it.  Remember, the way you treat others has the power to affect their reality in ways you may not imagine.  I would encourage people to be a positive factor in a person's life rather than a negative one.

Replication

Today I gave myself the word REPLICATION.  Why?  I don't know.  The word just spoke to me this week.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've been delving into the philosophy of identity this week, in part in preparation for my first post as the Weekend Philosopher.  I won't say more about that here, because I don't want to spoil anything for you!

The word led me to write this poem.  I could talk forever about why I wrote this, but Ill let the poetry speak for itself.

Replication

All the forms were signed,

informed consent obtained.

Not till the deed was done did I

wish that we’d refrained.

Unsettled by the sight,

unnerved by the implication,

of standing there before

such a perfect duplication.

I looked into my own eyes,

so much more than a mirror.

Never had I planned

to see things so clear.

She was me, yet not.

A different path before her lay.

Yet DNA and memories copied.

I yearned to cast her away.

I turned my gaze to steel,

though my heart still did leap.

Was I threatened by this duplicate?

Was my nature mine to keep?

Forever bound will I be

to this moment in time.

This reflection of myself resonates

with my features like a rhyme.

My reaction was revealing,

far more than I can defend.

So rooted in me was my identity,

my new lack of uniqueness did offend.

Curiosity led me here.

I didn’t foresee the complication

of standing toe to toe with her:

a person whole and real, yet a replication.

A Moment of Introspection

I decided to once again use a random word generator to provide me with a few words to use for inspiration. I created a Wordle with those words, then used the words to write a little something.

I hope you enjoy!

A Moment of Introspection

If you have a moment to spare, I have some things to say.  If you’ll give me a moment to speak my mind, I’ll soon send you on your way.

Today this correspondence will reflect

 the battle waged inside my head.

The confusion of it all has left my vision fuzzy,

and my heart filled with dread.

I often wish I could feel the certainty

so many others seem to grasp.

Yet my instinct compels me to question all,

leaving me nothing solid to grasp.

Open-mindedness and inquisitiveness are good qualities, I’m told.  I believe that too.  Then again, there are times when it might be easier to tune out . . .

I say:

“Bed me down in green pastures,

and let me slumber long.

When I wake, let me filter all I see

and keep only what makes me strong.

Tending to my wounds, let me learn

how to avoid them evermore.

By shutting out the poisonous and the vile,

may my sense of peace be restored.”

Unfortunately, ignoring the bad only allows it to flourish.

Life doesn’t work that way, I know.

Good and bad go hand in hand.

Destructive people raze the world

for reasons I’ll never understand.

The way my pleas go unanswered

is telling, to be quite blunt.

If I want answers, I must seek them,

and injustices, I must confront.

I’m struck by the beauty of quiet moments when a human being reaches out to another who is suffering.  Something wonderful is added to the world, and seeing this, I know who I must be.

There may be a lot that I don’t know,

but this much I hold to be true.

We are all children of the same world,

a tiny marble of green and blue.

Our atoms forged in the hearts of stars,

we have within us a brilliant light.

Let us band together and banish horrors

that keep us awake at night.

Some Unsolicited Advice on Life (A Poem)

I didn't know what to write for today's post.  I spent a large portion of the past day with a brain-splicing headache.  It got so bad I even threw up.  The whole situation was anything but pretty.  Caring for two noisy children with a bad headache does nothing to help with the pain, but somehow I got through it.  

This left me feeling a bit uninspired, but I wanted to make sure I had something to post.  So I used a random word generator to give me a handful of words and used them to write a poem.    I also used plenty of colors to help brighten an otherwise unpleasant day.

So here's my poem, along with the list of words that inspired it.

Raise
Editing
Train
Regain
Require
Temper
Cost
Humble
Satisfied
Guiding
Fail
Condemnation

Some Unsolicited Advice on Life

Raise your head high brave one,

though all is falling down.

Quiet your temper when trials in

your life make you frown.

Remember if you fail, that means

you tried, at least.

Train yourself to shrug off condemnation

and you'll be left with a feast.

Editing your past to mask the hard times

belittles what made you strong.

Reaching out to hold a guiding hand

can help you move along.

Strive to regain the self-confidence

that you left behind.

Hold on to all the wonderful people

that help ease your mind.

People have a natural way of finding

whatever they require.

In order to live a life that leaves you satisfied,

you must try to inspire.

Accumulating riches may allow a life of ease,

but remember to remain humble.

Regardless of what we do each day,

we will occasionally fumble.

Each time we reach for something new

there may be an unexpected cost.

Don't let this stop you from reaching.

Don't be defined by what you've lost.

A Thanksgiving Poem

Given that it's almost Thanksgiving, I figured I'd go a little bit easy on myself today and share something fun with you.  I always thought poems that are written around a word like this are fun, not to mention a little challenging.  I won't claim this as a masterpiece, but who cares?  Not all writing needs to be revolutionary or awe-inspiring.  It's okay to write something just for the fun of it.

Turkey and tradition.

Ham and pumpkin pie.

Autumn colors abound.

Now winter’s nigh.

Kindness and generosity.

Savoring the day.

Grateful for all we have.

Inviting family to stay.

Visiting with friends.

In our hearts we know,

Never is one day enough.

Gratitude must grow.

Now, here's a wordle.  Why?  Well, in all honesty, I enjoy any excuse to make a wordle.  That's good enough, right?

Instrumentality

I decided to play a little game today.  I found this random word generator, and I used it to compile a list of 14 words consisting of 3 nouns, 3 adjectives, 3 verbs, 3 adverbs, 1 interjection, and 1 preposition.  Here's my list of words.

1. exhibition (n)
2. farce (n)
3. operation (n)
4. unacceptable (adj)
5. drying (adj)
6. sure (adj)
7. face (v)
8. bypass (v)
9. predict (v)
10. secretly (adv)
11. reluctantly (adv)
12. greatly (adv)
13. pop (i)
14. pending (p)

Once I had my words, I used Wordle to make a visual representation of them.

From there, I used the image and the words to inspire a piece of flash fiction. Each word was to be included in the flash piece.

Here's the result of my little game.  I think it worked out pretty well overall, and I'd like to see if I can do this once a month or so.  Maybe I'll try to keep it as my second Wednesday of the month post.

Instrumentality

Pop!

Just like that, the bubble that is my sheltered life bursts before my eyes.  I am now left to face an unacceptable truth.  The reality I’ve accepted for my entire existence has been a farce.

My creator stands before me.  All along he’s been here, masquerading as my friend whilst secretly monitoring me.  Testing me.  Even tempting me.

“You’re not human,” Jorgen repeats.  Not that it’s necessary.  Those words will rattle around in my mind for the rest of my life.  “The exhibition is in two days.  I need to do this now so I can have everything ready in time.”

He’s using these hollow words to justify what he’s about to do.  Until this morning, I never had reason to doubt him.  There were memories of us growing up together.  We’d been best friends since kindergarten.  He gave me my first wedgie, my first valentine, my first kiss.  An entire childhood of best friend moments, and many that were significantly more.

All a lie. 

I have no idea where my actual life began, and where the falsified memories ended.  Not that it matters.  Even the memories that are genuine, that really should belong to me, are still based on lies.

Jorgen strips the garments from my body.  I am shocked further, incapable of words as I realize he didn’t ask to do so.  Now that the rouse is up, my permission is no longer required for such an action.  He can bypass any protest I may make. 

I am invalidated.

Soon I am propped against the white wall of his laboratory, held in place by metal rings.  I cannot move.  He’d claimed he wanted to show me what he did at work.  Technically, he was showing me that, but I wonder if that’s all he thinks he’s shown me.  If so, he’s greatly underestimated the power of this moment.

“You’re not human,” Jorgen says again as he picks up a laser scalpel.  His hand seems to be shaking.

That observation gives me the courage to speak.  There still may be hope.  “You don’t have to do this if you aren’t sure about it.  Just think about this.”

“No!  There’s no time.  I can’t turn back.  My award is pending.  If I don’t have my work ready in time, they’ll give it to someone else.  At 19, I’ll be the youngest person ever to get it.  I can’t risk losing that.”  He dares to look me in the eye as he waves the scalpel behind my ear.  My body is instantly numbed.  He pokes my arm experimentally, and I sense nothing.  I can’t even shiver as the dread seeps through me.  “The operation will be quick and painless.”

Quick maybe, but far from painless, I think.  Tears blur my vision, though I cannot feel them fall.

Now Jorgen looks stunned.  Could he seriously have failed to predict my sadness?  He stands there for a long moment before reluctantly wiping his free hand across my cheeks, drying my tears.  Then he determinedly drops his hand.  “You’re not human,” he recites again.

“You made love to me!” I protest.  Then I hesitate.  With so many false memories, I cannot be certain that even happened.

The look on his face, however, instantly confirms that it did.  He appears as though I punched him in the gut.  “I had to try you out, see that you functioned properly,” he argued.  “It was all in the name of research.”

Then he knelt in front of me and touched the scalpel to the skin above my manufactured navel.  Looking down, I can’t help but marvel at the level of detail he used to build my body.  The level of deceit was implicit in each choice he made in my construction.

Jorgen peels me back, layer by layer, exposing my viscera to the world.   He stops frequently to snap photographs, insisting that everything must be properly documented.  I scarcely listen as he explains that each moment of my life has been filmed for the committee to see.  They’ll be able to watch every single private moment, study my schematics, and experience the implanted memories that laid the groundwork for my being.

I, however, will be the main attraction.  Harnessed to that wall, visitors will be able to examine my constituent parts.  They will also interact with me.  Fully awake, I’ll see and hear everything going on around me.  Though my nervous system will no longer transmit pain signals to my brain, I’ll still feel it all in the most real of ways.

When Jorgen is finished, I can see my own artificial organs.  The counterfeit is good, but the rubber hoses and metal connectors betray my artificiality.  Though I cannot see this, I know my scalp has been torn away, revealing my positronic brain.

Jorgen, the man who once acted like my friend, puts away his tools and turns out the lights, his work done for the night.  He says nothing to me before he goes.

All alone in the dark, I imagine him laid open on the wall beside me, my mechanical parts warmer than his flesh and blood.

Blogspiration 20: When Words Redefine You

Blogspiration is a weekly meme hosted by GrowingUp YA& Saz101. The meme was created to help spark inspiration among bloggers, readers & writers alike. An inspirational quote/picture/video is posted weekly, on the day of the author's choosing, so that it may inspire creativity, conversation & just a little SOMETHING.

I should start by apologizing for the extra long post this week.  That's what happens when you feel super inspired to write something.  Some topics simply need to be addressed.

When I saw the video below earlier this week, I immediately knew what the subject of my Blogspiration had to be. There was no question in my mind that I needed to address this issue using my own unique perspective.  However, I also recommend you read this blog post Ron Kemp wrote about why he thinks the bullying issue is persisting the way it is.  I think he makes some good points that are worth our consideration.

I admire Jennifer Livingston (the news anchor from the video) for her eloquence and professionalism in addressing this issue.  I must say that the email this man sent to her was more politely worded than most personal insults I've seen.  Some have defended the email for that reason, saying that it was a piece of constructive criticism that addresses a serious problem in this nation: obesity. And yes, I won't lie.  Health issues like obesity are an issue, and we need to educate ourselves on how to be healthy.  But being healthy isn't all about what size jeans we wear.  In writing this email, the man also failed to realize that health isn't only about how well your body functions.  Mental health is just as important to who we are and how we live our lives.  When people erode our self-confidence, that has a huge impact on our overall well-being.  We shouldn't let ourselves be defined by bullies, but judgment can come from all directions, and it can be difficult to fend off all the verbal assaults.  Remember, bullying is also a problem in this country, just as much as health issues are.  So many young people take their lives because they see no way out.  In sending his email, this man might have actually felt he was doing a public service, but even if he did, he ran afoul of another issue in the process.

October is national anti-bullying month.  Bullying is a huge problem in this country.  There's one thing I've noticed too.  People don't always grow out of it. In the midst of an impending presidential election, I see people on both sides railing on each other, slinging every hurtful name they can think of.  Political disagreement seems to be a good enough reason to tear your fellow man apart. It's like all these so-called adults are on the playground again, screaming because they want everything to be their way.  And the issue of bullying has come up numerous times in this political climate, with some arguing it's a huge problem, and others insisting that it's no big deal.  

I know the old adage "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  I think a lot of people believe that only physical violence causes scars, but nothing can be further from the truth.  That's why this video meant so much to me.  This woman handled the situation beautifully, and in so doing, she proved to me that she is indeed a great role model for young viewers.  So many people don't address the people around them with a fraction of the poise and confidence that she does.  Why shouldn't such an intelligent woman be considered a good role model?



This next video shows Meghan Tonjes, another young woman who responds to being called fat.  I admire her spunk.  Her speech quite direct and to the point. The language isn't as clean since this is an internet video and not taken from a news broadcast, but I think it's worth a watch.  My favorite line from this video has to be this: "Why does it hurt you if I don't hate myself?"  Thank you, Meghan, for your words.

These responses from two proud and beautiful women are the way we should all respond to those who would try to tear us down.  Unfortunately, that isn't always the case.  Personal circumstances vary, and we don't honestly know how long is took them to get to a place in their lives where they can feel so confident in themselves.

Background Image courtesy of luigi diamanti @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It's true that the words of bullies can only redefine you if you let them, but I think too many people use this as an excuse to say hurtful things about whomever they want.  It's a way of dodging personal responsibility.  The truth of the matter is that words have tremendous power, especially when one's own sense of self has been systematically eroded.

A lot of the talk around bullying as of late has come down to freedom of speech and freedom of religion.  People say that they don't want those all important rights to be stifled.  Yes, these are important rights to that should be protected, but how do you balance those rights with the rights of the bullied?  I'll offer my take on this.  Whether you agree or disagree with what I have to say, this is an important conversation to have.

There are plenty of popular reasons to gate people these days.  When people take issue with the Muslim kid in class for his beliefs, it bothers me, though I won't try to say those people should not be allowed to speak at all about their feelings.  When I hear politicians say that kids should have a right to tell the gay kid in class that they are living a sinful life, I can both agree and disagree. Personally, I don't agree that being gay is sinful, but I know plenty of people genuinely do.  I respect your right to have an opinion and your right to voice it. Unfortunately, most of the taunts I've heard in my life have nothing to do with such sincerely held religious beliefs.  That tends to be the excuse people fall back on to justify behavior that is anything but holy.  Sending threatening messages on Facebook, and getting your group of friends together to shout slurs at someone, is not an exercise of religious freedom.  It's being a jerk.  Much like calling someone fat isn't typically an attempt to motivate them.  Let's be honest. People typically say it to be mean.

Using what I've learned over the years, I think I can answer Meghan's question: "Why does it hurt you if I don't hate myself?"  The answer isn't even all that complicated, though it's a question that all would-be bullies should ask themselves before they make the choice to demean others. In my experience, bullying stems mostly from personal insecurity.  By targeting others and making them feel small, they mask their own feelings of self-doubt.  And the effect is even stronger when the bully can recruit others to join in.  The bullied person is isolated from the rest, and the bully gains a sense of belonging.

Freedom of speech is so important, as I've said many times, but mutual respect is also crucial.  If we have the freedom to speak, we also have a corresponding responsibility for the words we put out there.  This does not mean we sacrifice our opinions.  It means that we look not just at our own interests, but the interests of others as well.  Everyone deserves to have a chance at living a happy life, regardless of how that life may differ from your own.

Just because you have the right to say something, that doesn't make it right for you to say it.

Now, none of us can avoid every little offense our words may trigger, nor should we.  It's impossible and exhausting.  We should simply remember how much it can hurt to be targeted in an aggressive way.  There are ways to express our feelings in a civilized and respectful way.  Having the freedom to speak doesn't mean we need to club the people we don't like over the head with our words.

Now, here's where I get real about myself.  I have a confession to make.  We all have those things that we bottle up inside, and if we're not careful, they can eat away at us.  It's safe to say that I was bullied as a child.  Much as I've tried to deny it, the emotional scars are still there.  I often find myself questioning whether I'm good enough.  I think I got involved in the Blogspiration meme just as much for self-inspiration as anyone else's.  Since I was little, there were always people telling me that I'm not good enough.

Growing up in a small town, there was no way to escape the reputation.  I hate to admit this, but as much as I loved my mother, and still do even though she's gone now, she had her problems.  Everyone I went to school with knew she was an alcoholic.  In fact, from elementary school all the way through high school, people made it a point to remind me of that fact.  As if I could have forgotten. Things got so bad for me that I felt like I had nowhere to go.  My mom's drinking greeted me at night when I came home from school, and the school day left me to dodge verbal assault after verbal assault.  I even got physically assaulted a couple of times.  That's why I kept my writing notebook with me everywhere I went.  It was my portable fantasy world. Whenever I needed a place to escape, all I had to do was open that notebook and create that new world.  The bullying helped shape who I am in positive ways. Yet, the demons that erode my self-confidence held on for the ride.  Even now, I find myself struggling with them.

Now, I can forgive my mom for her mistakes, because I know that she meant well.  Though she wasn't perfect, she gave me a lot of good things, like my sense of humor.  I choose to honor the good above the bad, because that's what makes me stronger.

I can even forgive my bullies, because I understand how easy it was for them to fall into that trap.  I even lashed out at people in a similar way, because I didn't want to be alone anymore.  So, I acknowledge the ways the bullying shaped me, and I want to toss out the bad effects that came from that too.  The problem is, it's easier said than done.

In writing this blog entry, I am attempting to make that choice now.  The doubts pull on me, threatening to hold me back from my dreams.  I am declaring here that I don't want to let them.  In sharing this, I want to tell those demons that they don't have any power over me.  I also want to share this with anyone who has been or is being bullied.  I know it hurts, and it can be devastating to you.

Bullying can even destroy your whole life if you hang on to it.  Even years after the bullies have disappeared from your life, the words remain.  Just remember, horrible as those words are, the power is ultimately in your hands.  No matter how hard it may be, you need to make the choice.  You can either let the words continue to define you, or you can take ownership over your life.  Let me stress this.  It's YOUR life, and you are worth the effort to live it well.

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